


if it's for you

by xyzhnielle



Series: what if's [2]
Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Infected!Thomas, LMAO, M/M, Pining Newt, What-If, and Newt's the Cure, anywayyy, but he doesn't realize he's in love, have fun suffering, literally everything he does is for thomas, lololol, thomas has the Flare here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 13:41:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14309904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xyzhnielle/pseuds/xyzhnielle
Summary: Newt hates it. He’s scared, so bloody scared.But not of Thomas. Never of Thomas. No, he’s scaredforThomas.He doesn’t want Thomas to lose himself, to feel his brain all fogged up, to become—Actually.He needs to be honest with himself.He’s selfish, okay?What he’s more scared of, is not having Thomas.…..au where Thomas has the Flare, and Newt just wants to save him.





	1. i would do anything

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Toruchan](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Toruchan), [hesdrowning](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hesdrowning/gifts).



> this is dedicated to a good friend of mine, whom i fondly call toruchan (BECAUSE STOP BEING SO TALL AND SIT DOWN), because she wrote some great things that inspired me to write these in turn. she's brilliant and also evil so i'm not sure if i should buy her ice cream or give her rocks. jkjk, love you dude, i forgot to ask your ao3 username hA [edit: nvm i found her, say hiiii]
> 
> anyway, hope you all like this! <3

**Newt**

 

He’s dizzy, unsteady on his feet, when they exit the tent and Jorge pats his back.

“I owe you,” is what the other man tells him.

“Don’t,” is what Newt replies. 

He’d agreed to give some of his blood to that woman who knew how to make an enzyme cure, short term it may be, but it wasn’t for Brenda – not really. 

He’d done it for Thomas.

Sure, he respects her, on some level, but he didn’t actually _know_ her enough to truly _care_ about her. 

It’s obvious Thomas does, though. Newt doesn’t know what the two of them went through when they all got separated, he doesn’t know what happened for Thomas to be this concerned and worried for Brenda – and he can’t quite explain the slight twinge inside him at the sight of Thomas holding her protectively – but it shows that Thomas cares about her now. 

So when the woman ( _Mary_ , his memory supplies) told them that Newt was Immune and could help Brenda with his blood, Newt didn’t even hesitate. He takes one look at Tommy, whose expression was sad and desperate, not unlike how he looked when Chuck was dying in his arms – and rolled his sleeves up, following obediently after Mary. 

“You shouldn’t owe me,” Newt clarifies, sparing Jorge a glance. The man’s face is blank, but Newt’s best friends with Minho, and he has enough experience with people who hide their emotions to see the slight confusion in Jorge’s eyes. “You owe Tommy.”

 

…..

They were supposed to be safe with the Right Arm. They were supposed to have a little semblance of peace after all the shite they’ve been through. They were supposed to be able to just relax and try to heal, and all that.

If he's being candid, Newt wanted at least a shucking year of no WCKD, no tests or trials, no Ratman, no Thomas getting himself bloody hurt, no worrying—but the world had had other plans for them, apparently.

There’s already fire and screams and smoke, but the chaos is only starting.

 

…..

A short fight ensues— and it isn’t really much of a fight, to be honest. They lose (and maybe they all knew they were going to lose from the start), but they’ll be damned if they don’t go down fighting.

They were ambushed.

Newt likes to think that’s the only reason they’re easily rounded and forced to kneel as WCKD troops scan something on the back of their necks. Part of him accepts that WCKD’s got more equipment than they do, but _still_. The element of surprise did not help their chances.

A man approaches their line, standing behind Minho, who grunts as his head is shoved forward. “Subject A7.”

It grinds on Newt’s nerves that they’re called bloody _subjects_ , that they’ve been tagged, like they’re livestock. But there’s nothing he can do about it, so he lets them lace their fingers harshly in his hair and push it down. He feels something cold on his nape and he flinches, eyes darting to Minho – something familiar to reassure him. “Subject A5.”

The troops move on and Newt takes this opportunity to check the faces of all those who’ve gotten captured. _That Aris kid… the blonde girl, Sonya… Harriet… Mary… Vince… Frypan…_

“Where’s Thomas?” Ratman barks to a soldier, angry. Teresa stands beside him, along with the person he’d thought was dead (they’d seen her _die_ , hadn’t they?), a blonde scientist named Ava Paige.

Both relief and dread flood his veins when he doesn’t see Thomas anywhere, like a flamethrower and a fire hose aimed at each other, fighting for dominance. _Please be okay, please be okay, please be okay,_ he pleads in his mind, _I’m sorry I can’t follow you right now, Tommy—_

“I’m here.”

And then Newt’s brain freezes and he stares with disbelief and underlying happiness that Thomas is alright and unhurt – but mainly anger because this shucking _shank_ couldn’t think of himself for once and hide away and he had to be a stupid bloody _idiot_ and Newt’s not sure if he wants to kick Thomas or hug him tightly. 

His blood boils when Thomas gets manhandled into a kneeling position beside Minho, his throat heavy with words he wants to yell at the brunet – _‘are you dumb do you have a shuckin’ death wish why Tommy’_ – but he grits his teeth and focuses his attention on glaring at Teresa instead. He feels an odd sense of satisfaction when she flinches before averting her gaze to Thomas’ form.

“Why didn’t you run?” Minho says, exhausted and ragged, and Newt tunes in.

“I’m tired of running.”

 

…..

Newt’s head is pounding. 

Mary’s dead. A lot of the other Immunes have been gathered into the bergs. Everything’s gone to hell.

But those aren’t why he feels sick.

Thomas is holding an explosive, and he’s speaking in a low tone – a bit shaky, but determined nonetheless. 

He’s reckless, and sometimes he doesn’t think things through, but Newt believes in him. Newt would follow him anywhere.

He swallows, eyes moving from Teresa’s terrified expression to Minho’s resolute one, then back to Thomas, and he realizes that he means it.

_Anywhere._

He steps closer to Thomas, Minho and Frypan moving with him as if they all had the same conclusion at the same time. “We’re with you, Tommy.”

He has followed Thomas into the Maze, followed Thomas through the Scorch, and he will keep following Thomas anywhere.

_Even to death._

 

…..

It doesn’t come to that, but what happens is worse.

They lose Minho, and Thomas starts planning to get him back.

“I’d do anything to save him,” Thomas vows.

Newt prays that ‘anything’ doesn’t involve him losing Thomas too.

 

…..

His prayer isn’t answered by a benevolent deity, because Thomas is infected.

Thomas, kind and sweet and fierce and focused Thomas, isn’t so sweet and focused anymore. He’s fierce, the kind of fire that isn’t him at all – ‘malicious and angry’ fierce. Angry at nothing and everything.

Newt hates it. He’s scared, so bloody scared.

But not of Thomas. Never of Thomas. No, he’s scared _for_ Thomas.

He doesn’t want Thomas to lose himself, to feel his brain all fogged up, to become—

 _Actually._ He needs to be honest with himself. 

He’s selfish, okay?

What he’s more scared of, is not having Thomas.

 

…..

Thomas doesn’t let Newt touch him too much or go too near him these days.

Newt pretends that’s okay. 

He kind of understands – maybe it’s a bit harder to stomach being around him, because maybe he reminds Thomas of Minho in a way, or whatever. He’s not sure, but he doesn’t try to confront Thomas about it. It doesn’t affect anyone else, or their planning, anyway. 

It’s not important. (He repeats that under his breath whenever he sees Brenda talking quietly with Thomas, whenever he sees Frypan soothing Thomas and holding his hands. He repeats it again and again before going to sleep, staring with a squeeze in his chest at Thomas, curled up far away from him.)

 

…..

“ _Hermano_ , Thomas himself wants us to cuff him—”

“And I bloody said _no_ , Jorge.” Newt cuts him off, voice hard, eyes stony. “We need him, alright?” His expression shutters, and he tries to keep himself from trembling. He knows he doesn’t have much authority but if this doesn’t convince them to not lock Thomas up, he’ll pull the _‘you owe me’_ card. “ _I_ need him.”

 

…..

He has trouble sleeping that night, heart breaking when he hears Thomas sobbing in the corner, folding in on himself as if trying to get the walls to swallow him. He thinks Jorge should’ve thought of cuffing _him_ instead, because he wants nothing more than to crawl to Thomas and tell him it’ll be alright and that Newt still believes in him.

 

…..

They find out Gally's alive and Newt touches Thomas for the first time in a while. 

It’s not enough to satisfy this small part of Newt that craves contact with Thomas - it's just a hand on his shoulder, then fingers sliding down to curl on his bicep, stopping him from beating Gally up – but it’s enough to remind Newt that there’s still time. He can still save Thomas, and he _will_.

 

…..

His heart totally shatters when Thomas starts muttering the old Gladers’ names – Chuck, Alby, Ben, Zart, Winston, Clint, Jeff – over and over and over again. 

In the morning, Newt’s eyes are puffy and red and he avoids everyone’s gazes.

 

…..

Thomas touches him for the first time a day later, but it’s not the good kind, the kind that makes Newt feel warm and reassured and comforted. They end up screaming at each other because of Teresa and Minho and because Newt doesn't reign in his temper. 

His back hurts. He feels tears burn the back of his eyes, but he doesn’t cry. Instead, he follows Thomas outside, because it’s still what feels natural. He still gravitates towards Tommy, even if everything’s turning to klunk quickly.

 

…..

“Newt.”

Her expression is pleading, fingers trembling. Newt hates her with a burning passion, but he swallows the angry insults down, raising an eyebrow instead.

“He’s infected— _Tom_ ,” she chokes up, tears sliding down her cheeks then, “he has the Flare.”

 _‘You don’t think I know?’_ he wants to yell, _‘you don’t think I’ve lost sleep trying to think of a way to save him, to help him, to keep him with me for as long as I can?’_

“Yes,” he says instead, impassive, a false calm. He rubs the back of his neck where Teresa had put a bandage after removing the chip.

“Your blood helped Brenda—for _a year_ , at best— maybe it can—”

And Newt doesn’t trust her. He will _never_ trust her. He’d sooner _die_ than trust her ever again.

But he’s desperate. 

It’s no secret that Thomas is losing control fast, and Newt is grasping at straws now.

So yes, he’s really desperate. Desperate enough to shove a bloody cloth into her hand. Desperate enough to squeeze her hand when she takes the cloth, and mumble a quiet _“please”._

 

…..

Gally’s trying to convince them to leave Thomas, and Newt knows that’s the logical thing to do if they want to survive – but he can’t be logical when it’s Thomas’ life on the line, he doesn’t want to be logical if it means leaving Thomas to burn with this city. He manages to get Gally on his side, manages to get Gally to acquiesce with not abandoning their friend.

Thomas isn’t having any of it. He shoves Newt away with surprising force for someone looking so battered and weak.

“Just _leave_.”

“Tommy, don’t be a twat—”

“Please, Newt, _please_.”

Newt almost staggers backward, and he feels his face go slack with shock and surprise and heartache—

“ _No_ , and you’re a blithering idiot if you think I’d ever leave you alone anywhere,” he yells, vaguely aware of tears in his shuckin’ eyes. Again. “Please don’t ask me to do that.”

He curls his fingers into Thomas’ WCKD uniform, letting his forehead fall on the younger lad’s shoulder. “Please don’t.”

He knows begging won’t work.

 

…..

His leg hurts and he curses it loudly, trying to drag Thomas to safety, to the Berg, to the serum made from Minho’s blood. He hates that it was made through torturing his best friend, but he has no other choice, does he? 

Newt had argued with Thomas again, earlier. Thomas still wanted them to leave him, but Newt didn’t want to. Couldn’t bear even the thought of it. 

He’d already sent Gally and Minho away to try to get the serum for Thomas, and now he was kind of regretting that decision, because his bloody limp was being a nuisance and this was definitely not the time to be collapsing under Thomas’ weight.

“C’mon, Tommy, just a little more. Hang on, okay? For me, Tommy, just hold on—”

The lights switch on and Teresa’s voice cuts through the explosions, clear and firm and urgent. “It’s you, Newt,” she says, “you’re the reason Brenda’s okay, _you’re_ the Cure.” 

Newt cups Thomas’ cheeks then, his brain screaming a litany of _you shouldn’t trust her you shouldn’t trust her_ , but his heart telling him to take the chance so Thomas can be okay. 

“You can save Thomas, you can save us all.”

He ignores her words, already having decided to rush back into the hell where everything started. “I need to go, Tommy,” he says, “I need to go, but you have to hang on. Hang on, okay? _Promise me_.”

“Just go,”

“If you die, I will drag your sorry arse out of your bloody grave, so please, Tommy. Please fight it.” Newt pauses, a little hesitant. He wants to say something else, feels like he should say something else. But before he can get any other word out, Thomas is shoving him back, twisting away from him again.

“GO!” he roars, “JUST GO ALREADY!”

And Newt runs, sheer willpower and adrenaline the only reasons he’s not stumbling to the ground and passing out from exhaustion.

_I’ll save you, Tommy._

 

…..

Ratman knocks him out, and when he wakes up, he’s strapped down, the slimy shuck leering at him.

“Thomas,” Newt hates to sound weak and desperate, especially in front of the enemy but he cries out, struggling to get out. His best friend doesn’t have much time left. “Let me go, I have to help Tommy.”

The man laughs unkindly, aiding Teresa with preparing the necessary materials. “Ah, yes. You two have always been dependent on each other, haven’t you?”

“Tommy needs me—”

“Even back when you were kids. Man, those were good old days,” Ratman sighs wistfully, taking a syringe out. “I never would’ve thought you were the Cure all along, Newt. The subject who tried to commit suicide? Unlikely.”

Newt probably would’ve stiffened at the coarse mention of his suicide attempt, or at Ratman calling him ‘subject’, but his mind was tunnelled on saving Thomas, saving his best friend, getting the cure to him. Begging Ratman doesn’t seem to do anything but kill Newt’s pride and stroke Ratman’s ego, so he changes tactics. “Teresa, let me out, you know we have to help Tommy.”

“The world outside is in flames, Newt,” Ratman’s still talking, ignoring Newt’s pleading and cursing. “It’s drowning, and this place? This place is a lifeboat.” He rolls his sleeve up when Teresa gets a serum finished, and Newt’s eyes widen at the dark veins snaking along his sickly pale arm. He was infected, too. How ironic. “You know what you are, boy? You’re—”

But Newt doesn’t get to find out what he is exactly, because Teresa’s slamming a large glass beaker down on Ratman’s head and she starts untying him, murmuring apologies and how she didn’t know _Janson_ was here. 

“Let’s go find Tom.”

 

…..

Newt gets shot. 

He takes the bullet for Teresa, and he does it because he remembers Thomas furiously shouting at him when he called Teresa a bitch, he remembers Thomas getting defensive and angry, and he assumes it’s all because he cares about her. 

He doesn’t want Thomas to get hurt if Teresa doesn’t survive or anything.

‘You’re acting as if it’s already determined that he’ll also survive,’ a dark voice says inside him.

He tries to ignore it.

It’s both a curse and a blessing that he faints as soon as Minho stumbles upon him and Teresa trying to find Thomas.

 

…..

When he wakes up, it’s in a small hut. 

At first, he thinks he’s back in the Glade, and everything was just another cruel trial from WCKD, but there’s pain in his side that wasn’t there before and he feels too sore for all that happened to just be a dream. The sound of waves outside also helps him decide that this is reality and that if it was this peaceful, then maybe they finally arrived at Paradise. They were in their Safe Haven. And any minute now, Minho and Thomas will burst through his door—

Thomas. 

_Tommy._

 

…..

He finds out from Minho and Teresa that he’s been out for two days, and that Minho was able to get to Thomas on time. (He hugs Minho, trying to convey his happiness at having his best friend back, trying to convey his gratitude for everything, trying to convey all the things he can’t say out loud.)

It’s been two days since he’s been awake and Thomas was still asleep. Newt hadn’t left his side since the time Brenda took him to Thomas’ room. He just kept watch over the sleeping boy, gently patting his hand sometimes, gazing at his peaceful, clear face.

“I’d never gotten to explore the idea before,” he murmurs quietly – to whom, he was not sure, “but I think I might be a little bit in love with you, shank. It’s bloody ridiculous.”

He settles back into his makeshift bed, consisting of a cot and two shirts as sheets.

“It’s ridiculous, but I wouldn’t change anything for the world."

 

 

 

 


	2. except leave you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Gally’s trying to convince them to leave Thomas, and Newt knows that’s the logical thing to do if they want to survive – but he can’t be logical when it’s Thomas’ life on the line, he doesn’t want to be logical if it means leaving Thomas to burn with this city. He manages to get Gally on his side, manages to get Gally to acquiesce with not abandoning their friend._
> 
> _Thomas isn’t having any of it. He shoves Newt away with surprising force for someone looking so battered and weak._
> 
> _“Just leave.”_
> 
> _“Tommy, don’t be a twat—”_
> 
> _“Please, Newt, please.”_
> 
> _Newt almost staggers backward, and he feels his face go slack with shock and surprise and heartache—_
> 
> _“No, and you’re a blithering idiot if you think I’d ever leave you alone anywhere,” he yells, vaguely aware of tears in his shuckin’ eyes. Again. “Please don’t ask me to do that.”_
> 
> _He curls his fingers into Thomas’ WCKD uniform, letting his forehead fall on the younger lad’s shoulder. “Please don’t.”_
> 
> _He knows begging won’t work._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still dedicated to her, because she's the one who had this stupid idea of making our otp suffer mORE by making Thomas not Immune.

**Gally**

 

They’re escaping WCKD headquarters after saving Minho, and Thomas is telling them to leave him, to just _go_. And Gally definitely doesn’t hate Thomas anymore, and he doesn’t want to lose one of the only Gladers left (no matter how short the time Thomas stayed there), but he’s not dumb and he knows Thomas is only slowing them down at the moment. He’s used to being despised, so he risks it. He agrees with Thomas, and he braves Newt’s glare – hate and despair and heartbreak bunched into tears that have yet to slide down his cheeks.

“I know you two care for Thomas,” Gally rushes out, voice firm and eyes trained on Newt’s furious ones. In his peripheral vision, he can see Thomas’ head lolling slightly to the side, black liquid dripping down his chin. He tries not to shiver at how the usually-so-determined-Greenie looks unbearably weak. “But you’re smart. So _think_ , slintheads, if we don’t hurry now, we’re going to burn with this city.”

As if to emphasize his point, another explosion collapses a nearby building. Thomas’ body is wracked with coughs and Newt’s expression immediately shifts, his hands gripping Thomas’ uniform.

“Tommy,” his voice is strained (and neither Gally nor Minho comment on how they’ve never really heard this tone on him before), “Thomas, let’s go. I’m not leaving you here, we’re not- Minho, come on, help me get him up.”

Gally wants to grab his shoulders and scream at him, but that’ll waste more time than they can afford, so he just clenches his jaw and rights his hold on the launcher. “Fine. If this is your decision,” he pauses. Minho’s hand twitches. “I’ve got your backs.”

“No!” Thomas roars, pushing Newt away from him. He staggers back, arm poised unsteadily in front of him. “No, you—Gally, get them out of here.”

“Thomas,” Minho says – ‘says’, because Gally can’t quite put ‘Minho’ and ‘pleads’ together, even in his head. “Don’t be stupid, shuckface—”

“Just _leave_.”

“Tommy—”

“Please,” he gasps, fingers curling and uncurling. Gally thinks it’s a calming gesture – he doesn’t want to think it’s a gesture that helps keep Thomas sane. “Please, Newt,  _please_.”

 

 

 

 


	3. even when i'm angry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Thomas touches him for the first time a day later, but it’s not the good kind, the kind that makes Newt feel warm and reassured and comforted. They end up screaming at each other because of Teresa and Minho and because Newt doesn't reign in his temper._
> 
> _His back hurts. He feels tears burn the back of his eyes, but he doesn’t cry. Instead, he follows Thomas outside, because it’s still what feels natural. He still gravitates towards Tommy, even if everything’s turning to klunk quickly._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> while this was definitely still written because of darling toru, i'd like to dedicate this to CrazyCrankShank250 for their comment *insert crying emoji* on nctmir (my first ever tmr story lmfao)  
> even if that opinion will obviously change in the future, it still means a whooole lot. thanks so much c:

**Newt**

 

Newt knew yelling back at Thomas wasn’t helping anything, and in the back of his mind he remembers being the one who stopped arguments like this back in the Glade. It’s just – he’s stressed, they’re all stressed, and Thomas is fanning the fire by refusing to use Teresa (that’s totally the reason, and not because his hurt at being shut down by Thomas is manifesting into anger. Red, raging, fiery anger). He stomps down that shucked-up feeling of missing the false sense of security in the bloody Maze, reminding himself about his oath of never going back to that cage, never going back to being trapped like animals.

“Teresa can get us in and Minho out, so give me one good reason why we shouldn’t take that chance.” Newt feels a vague sense of dread and smugness mixing at the pit of his stomach. Thomas still isn’t answering him, and he’s unsure whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing because nothing’s stopping him from continuing his angry rant. “You say you’d do anything to save Minho, but you’re against this idea because the truth is, you still care about her, don’t you?”

His words are cutting, tone sharp, voice harsh. In some other universe, maybe he’d be the one out of control, out of character – and maybe in that universe, Thomas wouldn’t be angry, he’d be trying to calm Newt down – but in this world, Newt can’t help but match Thomas’ anger with his own. He’s not Thomas. He’s not placating or being the bloody Glue (as if he’d try to be what WCKD labelled him to be), he’s exhausted, worried for Minho, anxious, hurt and plain cranky. He might be the calm to Minho’s stormy personality, but when he’s pushed—when he’s _angry_ , he’s a wildfire in a forest, burning everything down to ashes. “Just admit that you’d rather not hurt that little bitch than get Minho back. Admit it—”

And then his back’s against the wall, and it aches but what aches more is his heart. He looks at Thomas with wide eyes, and he thinks he hears Brenda gasping but he’s not sure. He can’t focus on anyone and anything not _Thomas_.

“Don’t- you- dare!” He’s shouting, making Newt’s ears ring. Newt should be scared, should be trying to fight Thomas off, but he can’t. He can’t bring himself to think that his best friend would hurt him. He can’t force his mind to see _Tommy_ as a threat even if he tried.

So he stares.

He stares with hurt and shock and concern swimming in his chest, he stares and wraps his fingers loosely around Thomas’ wrists. He stares and stares and stares and stares – and then finally he understands.

“Y-you’ve got it, don’t you,” is what he tries to say. But Thomas is pulling away, murmuring apologies and choking out words.

And then he walks out, and Newt steps forward, reaches to grip Thomas’ hands – but he misses.

And Tommy’s gone.

There’s silence after he’s left the room, and they’re frozen in their places. Like Thomas was the battery to their machine and they couldn’t function – _couldn’t move_ – without him.

**Author's Note:**

> leave a kudos or a comment on whether you like it or hate it or think it's too OOC or whatev.  
> Thank you for reading! <3


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